In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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