yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you inspire me to be a worse person
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
