My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
