the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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