Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
