Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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