had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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