I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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