mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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