I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Oh god it's open bar.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
