"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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