he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
