You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
