I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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