Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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