Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
