hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
