and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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