I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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