At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
