I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
where are my eyebrows?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
