You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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