I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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