The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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