This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
