I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
