why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
