Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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