Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
