is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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