Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
