I bet he comes in French.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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