I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
