i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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