at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
