I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
