OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
