Moan for me like Helen Keller
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
