Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
