Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
