You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
