Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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