I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
