if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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