he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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