My sheets look like a crime scene.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
