I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
