he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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