you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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