Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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